I always have dreams about things before they happen. Not a premonition as such, because my dreams are very surreal. My friend suffers the same as I do - I remember her telling me two years ago that she dreamt Ian Beale drove her to pick up her GCSE results. Strange lass...

Anyway, I went fishing somewhere in Cambridge today, not that any fish were caught. I think the hot weather suppressed their appetites. What a load of carp. I didn't so much as touch a fishing net though. I just rolled slices of bread into doughy balls and threw them into the lake trying to encourage the fish to bite the piece of spam (ugh - spam) on the end of the fishing rod.

But alas it was not meant to be.

In 12 hours time I'm going to be absolutely cacking myself as I head to the school to collect my exam results. I remember last year drinking two bacardi breezers (cranberry flavour, which is pukorific) and a shot of whisky (which made me retch) before going to get my AS results. I also remember taking my results outside to open them, as did Kate, and unfortunately a gust of wind blew a piece of paper from her envelope up onto the school roof and she was unable to retrieve it.

What I hate most is that after holding the envelope for a few seconds and finally mustering up the courage to open it, it turns out there are about 50 sheets of paper in there, offering counselling and such like, but all I want to know is what grades I've got. It's even worse this year as each A level I took is from a different exam board (AQA, OCR and Edexcel. Send hatemail to Edexcel please) so there's going to be even more frantic scrabbling at pieces of paper while my heart beats at 100 miles an hour, I go dizzy and feel faint and I start to wonder whether any of this was worth it in the first place.

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