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Do you remember when we used to sing?
2003-04-19 | 8:36 a.m.

I don't feel very well. OH SUR-fucking-PRISE! I feel like I need to go bury my head in some cool sand for a few hours, like that strange beggar-boy who can make his heartbeat nearly completely stop for a few mere pence off passing tourists.

Some fuckwit dancing like a loon managed to spill half my glass of wine over my friend Kathy's back and all over my arm last night. He apologised and offered to buy me another and when I said "yes" he told me to fuck off! HOW FUCKING RUDE. If I'd been more drunk then I would have chucked the rest of my drink over his face but I was still relatively sober and he had one of those psycho-faces that looks like it needs a good slap with a piece of hake, but you'd regret it after because he'd probably pull out a carefully concealed machete and slice and dice you.

Kate's mum makes me laugh. Before we went out last night she said "Don't talk to any strangers!" I remember the last time she said it - must have been more than a year ago now - I promised to look after Kate and not let her talk to strangers and we ended up getting a lift home off three men we'd never met before. Hilarious I think you'll agree.

I realised yesterday that I am practically out of contact lense cleaning fluid, which is a bit of a bastard considering it's Easter weekend and my opticians won't be open again until Tuesday and I'm going to Cambridge from Monday until Wednesday equals wahhhhhhh! Same with my library books! Some fucko told me they needed to be renewed on Thursday, only the effing library's shut and I can't renew my books and by the time it opens again I will have accumulated a billion pound fine and I desperately need any money I can lay my hands on to pay for my Reading ticket.

"50. What's one thing you wish you could do but can't?

Erm..be Elvis? "

I wrote that when I got in last night when I was pissed and I don't know about anyone else but it's absolutely cracking me up something chronic now. I think I just have a very deranged sense of humour.

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