Man, I'm knackered. (I'm also aware I just started a sentence with the word 'man'.) I love my new house in Leicester. We have pets too, in the form of a disgusting bucket of water in the garden filled with little squiggling objects which appear to have two heads. According to Pete they're mosquito larvae. Anyone want one?

I'm slightly headachy today, probably because I began drinking double vodka Red Bulls after red wine last night. And unfortunately my old school friend Laura is throwing a party tonight which I HAVE to go to as I've only seen her once over the entire summer. Maybe I could try to discreetly stick my head in her fridge and hope no one misses me.

Oh yeah, I mentioned I love the house. But do I love my new landlady?

Short answer: No.

Long answer: She is a complete and utter twat. I asked if she could provide curtains for my room and I arrived to find she'd dumped a lurid and quite falling apart pair on my bed, akin to those we found in the loft. In fact they probably WERE the ones we found in the loft. How the hell am I meant to hang them up when my room DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A BLOODY CURTAIN RAIL?! Does she expect me to rip out my spine and use that? One does wonder.

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