Just under two weeks ago the boyfriend and I split up and I've been trying to put my life back together since then, though it's not working. It's a bit complicated, and I certainly won't bore you with every little detail, but it was his decision. He didn't want to be with me anymore and I had no say in what happened whatsoever.

The two weeks prior to our split I noticed he was changing, but put it down to the fact he'd been really stressed by his job as well as taking on college two nights a week. I eventually questioned him over the way he was acting and his response was that he wasn't feeling happy and felt he needed to be on his own. He suggested we had a break from each other until after his accountancy exams. I told him this wouldn't be possible, the main factor for which is that they are not until November and I'm not prepared to sit around and wait for someone for three months with the possibility that they may not even want to be with me at the end of it.

So a week ago on Sunday I went to his to get all the stuff I'd left in his flat, as I had to go through London on my way back from Tori's anyway. If I had the chance again I think I'd sacrifice a few pairs of jeans and some toiletries and not bother because that was the most horrible thing I've had to do in a very long time. I literally got inside his flat and collapsed on his bed in floods of tears while he held me and stroked my hair and told me he was sorry.

I was kind of hoping I'd start to feel a bit better by now, but if anything the opposite is happening and I've spent the past fortnight feeling like seven shades of shit. Unfortunately there's also a delusional part of me which hopes he will one day want me back. I mean, we spent the last year and a half together and I thought we were incredibly close and that our relationship was stable. So how comes he can change everything he ever felt for me in the space of two weeks?

I imagine some way down the road I'll start to feel like a human being again. I've been through pretty much exactly the same thing before, two years ago, but that was just before I started my third year of uni and I felt I had everything to live for regardless. I don't have that feeling now.

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