I am going out with the groom's mate...fuck it, I'm going to refer to him as Gaz from now on (for that is his name) on Thursday evening, but I don't feel nervous as I don't really think it's a date - we are going to a human skeleton exhibition! I'm looking forward to it, though of course still trying to think ahead and wondering what 'Get out of Jail Free' cards I have at my disposal, should I feel the need to play them.

I always used to like having the security of being able to say I didn't want to go out with someone because my last relationship 'only ended recently,' but somehow saying 'I don't fancy seeing you again because my last serious relationship only ended...two years ago,' doesn't quite have the same ring to it. I may very well have to go with 'Crocodiles bit off my face,' should it come to it.

But enough of the pessimism and there's no point speculating - I should try to enjoy myself and be grateful for the fact that someone has been nice enough to bother to ask if I want to do something one evening.

Speaking of the ex-boyfriend of two years ago, I feel quite smug as he has grown the most horrendous beard I have ever seen, which I know about courtesy of his new photo album popping up in my Facebook newsfeed.

It is big, thick, bushy and makes him look like he should be living in a cave. Seriously, if he was still my boyfriend I would ACTUALLY PAY A FARMER TO GO AT HIM WITH A TRACTOR AND HARVEST HIS FACE.

(He uncannily resembles a yeti that's been in a tumble drier. There is easily enough hair that it could be donated to the entire hobo population of London and keep them warm right through to spring.)

Now, you may *think* I sound bitter and evil, but it's not just me. Some of the comments on his Wall include:

"Dear Lord, what's with the beard?"

"You appear to have a beard. It's quite scary."

And most LOLsome of all:

"Is it a dare?"

So, beards? Just say no. However, skeleton exhibitions? Just say yes. And skip forth to the unknown and enjoy them in their skull, patella and ribcagey goodness.

Or some bollocks like that.

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