One of the first things Katie asked me was 'Are you seeing anyone new then?'

I only split up with Gaz two weeks ago! What does she think I am - some kind of lothario?

Um, well I'm not seeing anyone but I have joined Okcupid, a dating website which is now my newest, favouritest Internet toy. It's really quite amusing, merely for some of the messages that end up in my inbox.

Hi... good weekend? Couldn't think of a better way of starting this message.

Now, this message was sent to me on Thursday. Who the hell asks someone they don't know how their previous weekend was on a Thursday? If that's the best HE can do then the best I can do is consigning his message to an eternity in the trash can. You may think I'm harsh but he ended the message with

PS: Gave serious consideration to 'woo'ing you, just to be crazy-funny.

So crazy-funny, in fact, that I'm LOL-ing all the way off my chair. Just no.

Another:

I like you, but I'd like to know more about you. If You're interested in me at all write me back

Not too bad, but they guy lives in *America* and is clearly taking the concept of online dating far too literally.

And another:

How do you fancy having a dedicated and genuine maid servant to cater for your menial chores? My scrubbing, ironing, cooking and pampering skills take some beating!

What the flying fuck? I wondered, until looking at this person's page and finding the following description:

Attractive, well-rounded, perceptive and intelligent early thirties submissive male with a tranny streak.

Not only that but I looked at his pictures and he's actually prettier than me.

Sigh.

I'm having the best time being at home though. Yesterday before Katie's birthday in the evening I ended up having some bizarre family day out with my mum, stepdad and brother who's also home for the weekend. It started off at 11.00 am when my mum announced 'We're off to a car boot sale. Do you want to come along?' and we both did.

Of course once we got there we all sped off in different directions. My mum and stepdad ran off to buy some herbs, I spent my time despairing at tables of tat and tables of over-priced tat, before settling for buying a double cd for 50p, and my brother went missing for the hour and a half we were there, later being found asleep under a tree in the sun.

We came home and had lunch in the garden in the glorious sunshine before embarking on Part 2 of the Unintended Unconventional Family Day Out: a 23 mile bike ride! As we started off my brother turned to me and said 'I hope I don't bump into anyone I know!' - a sentiment which I mirthfully echoed.

I am not used to 23 mile long bike rides however and it unfortunately gave me the appetite of two horses. It's like I've inadvertently taken on the mission to eat all of the food in my mum's house and boy am I doing it with gusto.

I'm akin to the Tiger Who Came To Tea, only instead of drinking all the water in the taps I'm drinking all the booze in the fridge.

Mmm.

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