Let me go back a little in time: The Clerk is a fair number of years older than me. When we first started working together he told me he was separated from his wife so when he did eventually ask me out I bore this in mind and decided that it didn't bother me provided they had actually split up, which was compounded by him telling me how he'd bought her out and was now selling his house.

So yesterday he updated on Facebook about moving house soon and instantly several of his friends write messages along the lines of 'Congratulations to you and [his wife]!' and so on and so forth.

Further previous status update investigation reveals that his trip to New York in May was not with 'a friend' as he told me, but again, with his WIFE. He's even gone to the trouble of keeping her out of every single picture he put up of that trip.

AAAAAAAAARGH, I AM SO CROSS!

And breathe...

Other than that minor glitch, I've been mainly relaxed and happy.

Glastonbury was its usual jaw-dropping, mind-blowing self (albeit with a few thunderstorms). Unfortunately our three to four hour journey there took more than double that due to a 20 mile tailback from the site. It was gridlock - people were climbing out of their cars and the non-drivers cracking open beers in the sun. I poured myself a glass of red wine into a classy plastic goblet and as luck would have it the traffic began moving again. On a very bumpy road. I cannot imagine how hilarious the sight would have been, but I was sat in the back of my friend Dave's car trying to stop my wine jumping out of the glass and all over my white top as we sped along and failing hugely. I nearly cried with laughter.

The festival itself was fantastic, although for me it didn't top last year as there seemed to be more twats about. I also gave up with Rolf Harris after about four songs, despite having wanted to see him so badly, as he was idiotically put on one of the smaller stages and as a result about 60,000 people were crammed up next to one another in the sweltering heat, so I slowly made my escape and had an organic vegan breakfast to celebrate.

Being drunk and stoned and in a 24-hour avant-garde party place when finding out Jacko had died was peculiar.

Blur were the best headliner I have ever seen at Glastonbury and I feel so honoured to have been part of it.

On the last night after Blur, I ended up losing my group who ran off in different directions when it began pouring down. I made friends with a girl (Hello Lucy Harrison if you ever read this - I couldn't find you on Facebook as there are too many of you!), and had some beers, weed then tea in The Park before lighting and releasing a paper lantern into the sky up at the stone circle.

Unfortunately by this point it was about quarter to 5 in the morning and I had Dave ringing me wondering where I was as we were meant to be hitting the road soon. I reluctantly returned to our camp and seriously, packing up your belongings whilst 'under the influence' is not the simplest of tasks. My tent wouldn't fit in its bag (due to my ineptitude) and I just flopped onto the floor and burst out laughing before giving it another go and eventually semi-succeeding.

I'm pleased to report the day after I returned I put my tent in the garden, washed and dried it and it's now repacked properly to await its second Glastonbury next year, because there's no way I'm missing out.

Some pictures:

Beautiful Glastonbury Festival

Cider bus

Stone circle dragon

Me and Baz

MY THUMB PIANO!

Me, Gemma and Lizzi. Just before Fleet Foxes, I think

Andy and Fraser

The Jailbait (oh ok, he was 20, ahaha) I spent Friday night with (and no we didn't, btw)

Adam & Joe! Best joke: "Coolio has died choking on a pasty. He's now living in a Ginster's paradise."

Hammocky times

Friends in fancy dress

My brother, Rhiannon and Harris, chilling

Sunday night downpour. Spirits were not dampened

I found the transition back to real life to be so difficult that I'm having Monday off work and spending a long weekend with Rachel at my mum's house. We went to the seaside yesterday and it was glorious. I'll save those photos for next time, however, as this is long enough I think.

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