Makes you wonder
2011-04-24 | 11:06 a.m.

Blackadder and I have split up, I think. We went from having a glorious day on Thursday in the blazing sunshine of Christchurch (the one in Dorset, not New Zealand...many of my friends, even the ones with brains, assumed I was flying several thousand miles for ONE DAY at the seaside). We've been together about nine weeks and even after this short a time there have been a couple of niggly things in the relationship, the minutiae of which I don't need to bore you with but will, and which included my feeling a bit unsure and also the fact his marriage ended not much more than a year ago and affected him massively in the sense that while he is a fantastic person whom I adore he is also a bit needy (I feel horrible for writing that).

It all came to a head once we were back at my flat. Splitting up was discussed then discarded, then YESTERDAY I received a text from him saying that I'd been right, he wasn't completely over his failed marriage and I quite sensibly, I thought, said if that was the case then we didn't really have a choice about things. He came over, picked up a couple of things, there were a few tears, a goodbye and an all the best, no hard feelings, etc.

I sound flippant. I was and am sad but I don't want to be second best in a relationship to someone who's not there anymore. This and because my own emotions have been rollercoastery means it's probably the right decision, but he got in contact with me last night saying he's made a horrendous mistake and his head had been screwed up briefly and though he's bothered by the perceived stigma of being a divorcee at the age of 26 that was all it was and he wants us to get back together. Very confusing.

I need to write in here more, especially about Istanbul; a brilliant, vibrant city where you could create an entire anthology of God-awful chat up lines courtesy of the overly-friendly Turkish men, our favourites being 'Where are you from...paradise?' and 'You've dropped heart!'

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