Not a word from your lips
2011-05-22 | 9:30 p.m.

Batiste dry shampoo - makes your hair look like it's gone prematurely grey and your scalp go ITCHY. I've had a mundane weekend (which without needing to say anything was a certainty if my first sentence is anything to go by). I went home purely because I didn't have anything to *do*. That's the one thing that's bothered me since splitting with Blackadder a month ago. I don't want to be back in that relationship but I miss gallavanting places with a cool person whose company I enjoy.

During the latter part of this week things with New Clerk began spiralling out of control again. It's unhelpful that for the past six plus months he's been one of my best friends. Obviously there was a massive blip in January when we slept together and he basically rejected me and he was INCREDIBLY LUCKY that if someone's a twat I won't waste too much of my time being upset about them so despite having been hurt we were able to get our friendship back on track and it's just got better and better.

He's now gone back to wanting us to be more than friends, as evidenced on Wednesday when he tried to snog me going down the escalator at Canary bloody Wharf. I mentioned the fact of previous rejection and after we'd parted he sent me a text saying 'I hope you can forget how I was before because I wouldn't do that again.' Dubious, but part of me wanted to believe him. Note to self: stop being a fuckwit. We went for lunch on Friday like we very often normally do and he was being overly friendly yet again and I was enjoying the attention he was lavishing on me. But I realised I'm too fragile and can't do this... I messaged him later on saying as much and requesting we just be normal friends. I wish I could be a bit stronger and less doormat-esque. He told me he almost wished he wasn't leaving (scheduled for end of July atm) so that something could happen, but whilst my head and heart are sending out confused messages, both of which bond together to scramble any rational thoughts that end up in my brain, I do keep coming back to one word: NO.

I feel bad; I said my weekend was mundane but I did cycle over to my gran's with my mum today and really enjoyed it. It's great when you have family that never let you down.

previous | next