2019-08-07 | 12:02 p.m.

Things I have learned from being a parent over the past 10 months:

That there will be more chat about excrement - to anyone and everyone - than you could ever imagine.

That the memory of those early days and evening witching hours (read: the baby screaming non-stop for six hours until being taken for a 40-minute drive and passing out) does fade!

That milestones can make your heart soar: smiling, laughing, sitting and now crawling.

That everyone has an opinion on everything and it's easiest to nod, smile and ignore all except the ones you agree with.

That you can spend your afternoon counting down the hours til baby-bedtime, then spend a large portion of your relaxation time just staring at photos of the little imp.

That it's okay to have a shitty day and fantasise about ditching the baby, hijacking the ice cream van that seems to be everywhere you go and zooming off jinglingly into the distance. These feelings pass and tomorrow is always a different day.

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