2020-10-09 | 1:43 p.m.

Always intend to write in here more, then 48 days wobble by, somehow and here we are. Here we are.

At this moment in time I am happy, which I am so so so grateful for. I had a bad depressive spell in August for about three weeks, but I recognise what contributed to this: no work, none at all, for the whole month. Doing too much childcare. At one point I'd looked after the bear, alone, for six days in a row and I just felt so lacking in hope, so ground down, what was the point of anything.

In September work picked up and so did my optimism, sense of purpose and fulfillment. Working from home isn't perfect, and the tech problems have shredded my nerves at times, but it's all getting there. We won't mention the judge whose own computer problems led to her attempting to drag everyone into the High Court in London, and so all parties obediently went along, except one barrister who was shielding and requested to continue attending via Skype, at which point I piped up and asked to stay on Skype too (not least because I'd barely brushed my hair and had indeterminate stains on my trousers). Oh, and then later that day the witness became ill whilst giving evidence and had to be carted off to hospital by ambulance - and a have a COVID test whilst he was at it - and I could hear the judge, tittering nervously about potential quarantine for all. Jesus.

On Sunday just gone the bear turned 2 and it was honestly one of the best days of the year. Just a happy day from beginning to end, with Ollie's family round to complete our party of six. And a bug cake I made (who doesn't like spiders made of chocolate buttons and Matchmakers, I ask you), and M&S party food, and a toy kitchen from IKEA, complete with pots and pans he likes to crash around as if attempting to win a bong-iest cymbals competition, but what's a two-year-old to do hey!

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