I just sent my laptop back in time to before it was idiotically tampered with. Now, why hasn't someone invented that for real life?

I'm feeling a lot less angsty, I think mainly because I finally got to talk to the Clerk yesterday and things seem to have resumed normality. Ish.

Yesterday was the last day of work before Easter for most people at the Old Bailey, and as it was another of the court clerks' last day there, it so happened that the evening saw her leaving do in a bar just across the road - court clerks, stenographers and journalists aplenty. How jolly!

When I arrived there was already a lot of people there. And one seat available. Next to HIM.

I'd only seen him a couple of times this week, and I'd missed his company. On Monday he came into our office to give me a couple of books he'd promised to lend me (one about an Old Bailey trial and another about legal blunders), but it was weird - when he approached and handed them to me he spoke only with facial expressions (I think they said 'Here you are you nutjob,') and I managed to squeak thanks, but nothing else. Over the next day or so I saw him in passing a couple of times but only managed an awkward 'Hello.'

Then yesterday the uneasiness ceased. I sat down beside him and began talking to him about the Old Bailey trial book and the conversation progressed from there. Unfortunately he wasn't staying out long as he was/is currently heading to Wales for Easter, but I was so happy to have talked to him.

On his way out he said goodbye to everyone and as a final coup de grace to his departure shot me a look, after which I had Katy turn to me and whisper, 'He blatantly fancies you.'

Hmm.

I've been asked by a few people now why I haven't broken up with Gaz and the short answer is...it's just not that simple. I wish there was an actual, physical reason for us to split, like he'd cheated on me or we argued all the time or he had a persistent habit of putting snails in my shoes, but it just isn't like that. When we're together, we get on. We bugger off to places and do stuff together and it's enjoyable. I care about him but I just don't love him. And the fact that our friends overlap and I adore his family (who I see far more than my own) makes the idea of splitting with him quite unpalatable. I suppose I'm just waiting...but I have no idea what for.

But I don't write this to be judged or to be told what I should or shouldn't do. I'm foibleful and fallable just like everybody else is.

Regardless of all the above, I feel ok and am just going to see how things pan out really. There's no great plan.

Anyway, Easter holidays, wawoo! My bodyclock's feeling ever so slightly distorted as I got up this morning from my Londinium abode to be in my car and on the road by about 5.40 am (there's no way I would ever dream of attempting to drive through London anywhere remotely close to rush hour, ESPECIALLY through Hanger motherfucking Lane). I did the journey in an hour and ten, amazed that I still know how to drive despite the fact my car spends weeks at a time untouched, parked up on my street, neglected and glum. I last filled up with petrol at the beginning of January and I still have half a tank left.

If the rain keeps away (Dear clouds, PISS OFF) I'm going to head out on my bike before going out for a curry with my dad tonight. Tomorrow Rachel is coming to stay until Tuesday. YAYES. We shall do fun things I hope and probably consume an inordinate quantity of E numbers over the next five days. Let the good times roll.


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