I did go out last night though, to my friend Leanne's party in Luton, even though I nearly didn't make it! I tried and failed to persuade mutual sort-of friends of mine and Leanne's to let me drive them there (ie. so they could act as navigator). I think the fact I was so upfront about my hidden agenda didn't make it seem the greatest act of kindness. Hmm.

So yes, I discovered that I'm alright at memorising the main roads I have to go on when I'm driving somewhere. I got to Luton itself fine and felt delighted, a feeling which soon dissolved into one of being not very smug at all. Unfortunately my knowledge of how to get around Luton is about on par with my knowledge of how to cure cancer, so I went round in a circling frenzy, passing the same traffic lights no less than four times and generally thinking 'Fuck.'

I had to pull over, ring Leanne and tell her I didn't think I was going to make it and luckily she came out in the car with her brother, who I followed back to hers feeling massively relieved.

At some point late in the evening the party migrated over to a GAY BAR GAY BAR! Which was fun and a new experience for me. The toilets were not too foxy, however. No separate men and women's, just two toilets in a room with a sink. What fuckwit thought up this design? I ask you. I ended up going in at the same time as some man. Oh yes, I love pissing in front of people I've just met and can now tick it off my list of Things I Have Always Wanted To Do.

So today I'm feeling a tad ropey, but at least I'm entirely to blame for this.

At this present moment in time my stepdad's whole family are over, so I've taken to intermittently hiding. I'll go back downstairs soon because I don't want to miss any more highly comic moments, such as during the conversation about Lapland, when my stepdad accidently announced 'And you won't find Santa there because he doesn't exist!' in the presence of his three grandchildren who are all under seven. His daughter-in-law looked like she might get her crusty piece of baguette and stab him in the face with it.

Over and out.

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