2019-10-19 | 9:46 p.m.

We're teething in this household so I'm sleep-deprived and actually feeling somewhat emotionally vulnerable (and knackered). A small but unlikely episode made me melt down today: off to a baby's first birthday party, needed petrol. Ollie drove and I filled up. Now, if purchasing petrol I devote my entire concentration to two things, which are don't get diesel by accident and remember the pump number if not paying at pump.

I did these things and was so pleased with myself! I wandered back to the car and someone parked up elsewhere was beeping. Ignored them. Went to get in the passenger door and the beeping became frantic, I realised the car I was trying to climb into was not only not ours but A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT COLOUR. I just felt like a giant fucking failure at life (I had also spilled petrol on my foot, which compounded things most excellently). What happened was Ollie had moved for a quick getaway into a space that became available in the time I went in to pay and returned. I was nevertheless not pleased.

Anyway, we went to this party for a little girl that the bear made friends with at Baby Sensory, and there was a Jo Jingles session, about 8,000 balloons and an enormous pink cake that span on a freaking carousel! It's a good thing babies don't remember these or else I'd be getting: hey, Mum, why did I only get Pizza Express and soft play?! I'll have to sign up to another Photobucket to get more pics on here; the last photo of my boy is so old that his eyes have changed colour* since then, though don't trust me on that front after today's petrol garage debacle!

*Our car is grey and I tried to clamber into a black one; bear's eyes were blue for a long time, as per many babies. They're now a beautiful, wise, soulful brown :-)

In my other spare time I've been reading a sub-reddit on aphantasia (not being able to conjure up images in one's mind). I knew of people having photographic memories, but not this. It's utterly fascinating.

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