The last party I threw was five whole years ago in our second year of uni. We were so worried about no one turning up that Natalie drank two bottles of wine beforehand and was passed out by 11 pm. I didn't fare much better and smoked too much weed and had to go for a 'lie down' which I never got back up from again. Natalie is coming along tonight so I will have to see we don't make any similar mistakes!

It's quite nice actually - this afternoon is the first chance in what feels like forever that I've had to sit down and just do fuck all. I really am starting to feel settled in Wandsworth, though I do miss my mum and London has completely destroyed my love of driving, as it's just fucking horrendous, basically. But it's good other than that.

Moving to London has also done something to my accent. Yesterday I got asked by one of our techie guys if I was 'Dutch or South African' and later by a policeman if I was from 'Australia or New Zealand'. Maybe I should give up talking and attempt to communicate with people by dancing a series of jigs. Will have to give that one some thought.

It's not just my speaking voice that has faced humiliation at work this week - Pollen Lady is still in the course of giving her evidence and was chatting some bollocks about genetics. She then pointed at me and the court clerk and loudly announced to the entire courtroom (that'll be judge, jury, solicitors, barristers, four alleged murderers and the public gallery): 'This girl has more in common with that man than she does with a chimpanzee!'

WHY THE FUCK DID SHE NEED TO SAY THAT?

IT ONLY CAUSED EVERYONE TO LAUGH AS IF DOUBTING THE TRUTH OF SUCH A STATEMENT.

I then proceeded to go very red in the face, suggesting if I was genetically similar to anything then it would have to be a tomato more than anything else.

It's now 11 minuites past four and I really should start preparing the house for our visitors, which includes working out where to put all the mini pumpkins I bought from Lidl. Photos coming soon, I'd imagine.

previous | next