Easter entry
2015-04-02 | 3:25 p.m.

How is it Easter already!? I suppose "the passage of time" would be a good answer to that but I haven't written in here since...September?...and I've been feeling a bit guilty about that, not that I have an awful lot to say, my main activities over the past few months being working (I did a court case on mobile phone patents on Tuesday, zzzzzz), watching all of Prison Break on Netflix and winning the Guinness World Record for number of salt and vinegar crisps eaten (if such a thing existed, which it doesn't).

I'm trying to cut back on crisps and suchlike (I say, having eaten a bowl of chipsticks less than an hour ago) and have more carrot sticks, apples and general fitness, because I'm going to want to start trying on wedding dresses by the summer and I keep looking at my fulsome buttocks in the mirror and sighing at their magnitude, imagining them stuffed into a white dress and resembling two large pillows. I finished work at lunchtime today so I'm going to the gym in a bit.

Ollie and I have been doing some weddingy stuff over the past few months and we now have our ceremony venue, reception venue and photographer. But, honestly, wedding planning is not for me. I just don't enjoy it and it doesn't help that I think the whole wedding industry is one giant expensive con which might as well hand out blindfolds so they can carry out the exercise of robbing you blind. I don't want to spent more than a thousand pounds on a dress I will wear precisely once! I don't want to spend £80 on ONE bunch of flowers that I carry down the aisle! I'm toying with the idea of getting a much cheaper High Street dress. Only if it doesn't look shit, mind.

We also went to a wedding fair last Sunday although that was really only because it was held in the place we're having our ceremony and I wanted to snoop around the room we'll actually be getting married in, and it's small and lovely and it was raining heavily but it just looked so charming inside with a stained glass window, twinkly lights and chandeliers (I might have to take back the "being robbed blind" comment with regards the venue, because it's truly stunning and I'm v happy with it). We spoke to a florist and also to a ring-maker who wanted to come to our home for an appointment (declined) and then I got cornered by some Aussie girl who spent 10 long, agonising minutes doing a hard sell on some aloe vera shite. It's a wonder plant and cured her pleurisy apparently and makes her feel fantastic. Well, great! I'm really pleased for her. But I don't have pleurisy. Come to think of it I'm wondering if she even set up her stall at the right venue and shouldn't have been at some medical forum instead.

What else? I, like most of the rest of the country, now have four days off for Easter. Hooray! I'm going to the football and then for a curry with my dad tomorrow, staying at my mum's 'til Monday, one day back at work and then a little trip that involves Ollie and I going to Swanage in Dorset for a couple of days to get a bit of sea air and some jolly japes. I hope there's some arcades, or if not then bingo. Don't ever let it be said I don't have high aspirations for my holidays.

Until next time...

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