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December
2022-12-02 | 11:04 a.m.

I just went out into the garden to check on my sunflower and as I walked down the patio steps a tiny white feather weightlessly drifted down past my shoulder and settled on the ground beside me. I love little things like this - haven't had so many of them lately, maybe because I haven't been looking. But it gives me some comfort, even though it's probably just a passing wood pigeon and not actually a message from Frank. It's four months today since he died which is why I thought the sunflower might be out. It's trying very hard and some petals are unfurling, but it's chilly! As it should be in December of course.

Having a low mood spell atm, although I think and hope it may just be down to sleep or lack thereof, not helped by my child climbing into my bed at 1.30 am this morning, though I didn't have the heart to remove him as he's snuffly and coughing, though doesn't seem anything serious.

We had to take him to A&E one Sunday a few weeks ago (a rite of passage for any parent) when a cough developed into shallow breathing, him crying because he couldn't yawn and a 111 handler informing me she'd be dispatching an ambulance as I did my damn best to maintain my composure and not seem panicked. After a bit someone phoned to say the ambulance was four hours away, which is about Wales distance-wise by my reckoning, and to make our way to the local hospital.

The NHS were incredible, we were seen immediately, assessed and Leo given nebuliser, steroids, antibiotics and a chest x-ray; all very sensible things to give to a young child with a chest infection. Not being a doctor and having no idea what I'm doing ever, I gave him a Malted Milk after his nebuliser, which made him throw up all over my coat and leg. On the plus side the chair I'd been sitting on was cleaner than it'd ever been after I'd finished with my packet of antibac wipes!

I have Leo's preschool Xmas fete this afternoon and my mum's coming over as we're also going to a glow festival at our RHS gardens this evening, so there are reasons to be happy. And if that doesn't work I have about 2.5 litres of Baileys in the drinks cabinet (also some Cointreau I believe, Portly Pete!). Have a great December everyone.

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